All 34 Liberal cabinet ministers were reported missing this afternoon after continuing to run into the distance upon crossing the Ottawa Race finish line.

Thousands of Canadians, including over half of all MPs and Senators, ran the Ottawa 5k this afternoon, with the vast majority of participants ending the race by soaking in the photo opportunities and then immediately heading to Tavern on the Hill to spend the rest of the day inebriated.

Breaking tradition and causing alarm, the nearly three dozen cabinet ministers appeared deaf to the confused shouts from staffers, supporters, and race staff who attempted to get their attention and direct them toward the participation medals and news cameras.

Now more than three hours after the official end of the 5k, search-and-rescue helicopters have found infrared evidence that the 34 cabinet ministers have not yet stopped running. Running due north, they appear to be heading toward Canada’s northern edge; the third-wheel “coast” in “coast to coast to coast.”

It remains unclear exactly what the Liberal cabinet ministers are running from, but MJPSatire predicts that possible answers include “Justin” and “the election.”

This piece is part of the MJPS Satire section. Although potentially based on true events, it is not intended to accurately portray reality. Opinions expressed through this article are solely those of the author and do not reflect the position of the McGill Journal of Political Studies or the Political Science Students’ Association. 

Featured image by Lauren Hill