After Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) was “milkshaked” last week, Congress has promptly taken action to ban all milkshakes from American soil. When contacted by MJPSatire, House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy told us that action was necessary, because “thoughts and prayers won’t prevent someone else from being humiliated like Matt was.”

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell echoed his comments, saying that “one incident is too many” and it is not fair that American children “have to live in fear of being milkshaked at school.”

While President Donald Trump has expressed support for the legislation, it is unlikely to reach his desk. Speaker Nancy Pelosi has refused to bring the bill to the floor for a vote and has declined to comment on the matter.

Pundits have speculated that the constant lobbying and large campaign contributions from the National Dairy Council are likely to blame for this inaction from the Democrats.

This piece is part of the MJPS Satire section. Although potentially based on true events, it is not intended to accurately portray reality. Opinions expressed through this article are solely those of the author and do not reflect the position of the McGill Journal of Political Studies or the Political Science Students’ Association. 

Featured image by Lauren Hill